Food For Thought....

Why is it that we think we have so little and don't realize it's because we have squandered away everything we have been given?  We don't have too little money...we have too much debt!

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By my wounds I set         you       apart
     still you take me for granted
and it's breakin' my heart
Now your lip service fails
      'cause you trample my blood
Though I bought you with nails
   and the love that made me bleed
is enough for you always
no matter what it is that you think you're gonna need....

Secrets Your Waiter Will Never Tell You!

• The "Special" is whatever they need to sell before it goes bad.  Yum!
• If the dessert on the menu says "homemade", it probably is....by the bakery down the street.
• Even at the best breakfast buffet in the world, 99 out of 100 times the scrambled eggs are made from a powder.
• In most restaurants after 8pm or so, all the coffee is decaf....no one wants to clean two different pots.
• Salads are often made up to 3 days earlier.  They sit on a tray in the refrigerator with lots of other salads until ordered.  Fast, but is it really worth it?
• If you don't like something, don't eat it!  Send it back and order something else!
• Fish is usually delivered twice a week so Tuesday through Friday are the best days to order those dishes.  Or ask when the restaurant get theirs.
• You're more likely to get noticed as a "regular" on Mondays, Tuesdays or Wednesdays.  "Regulars" sometimes get special treatment like an extra glass of wine you aren't billed for or a sample from the kitchen.
• You know that lemon in your tea?  It wasn't washed.  Just cut up and thrown into a big tub that all the waiters reach into when they are lovingly preparing your yummy iced tea.

A Momentary Lapse of Reason Can Lead Us To Ruin

A restless eye across a weary room / A glazed look and I was on the road to ruin / The music played and played as we whirled without end / No hint, no word her honour to defend // I will, I will she sighed to my request / And then she tossed her mane while my resolve was put to the test / Then drowned in desire, our souls on fire / I led the way to the funeral pyre / And without a thought of the consequence / I gave in to my decadence // One slip, and down the hole we fall / It seems to take no time at all / A momentary lapse of reason / That binds a life for life / A small regret, you won't forget / There'll be no sleep in here tonight // Was it love, or was it the idea of being in love? / Or was it the hand of Fate that seemed to fit just like a glove? / The moment slipped by and soon the seeds were sown / The year grew late and neither one wanted to remain alone // One slip, and down the hole we fall / It seems to take no time at all / A momentary lapse of reason / That binds a life to a life / The one regret, you will never forget / There'll be no sleep in here tonight.
                                                                                           One Slip - Pink Floyd

Inside Out

I try to hide my sins from You
              like so much dirty laundry
                      crammed under the bed.
But You don't look on the outside and You already know
                all the thoughts that are running through my head
          (even before I think them).
You see me from the inside, out -
        my win
              my loss
                    my heart
                          my soul
                                my fear
                                      my sin
                                            my doubt
Still You love me and hear my prayer
                              when all my life is
                                      laid out bare.
       You wore my stripes upon Your back,
                     bore my sins, took up the slack.
Where I fall short, Your grace abounds!
                  When I am lost, there I am found.
        You paid the debt for where I fail.
               It cost Your blood, a cross, a nail.
    Still You endured and sacrificed,
                                             You cried
                                              and bled
                                              and paid the price.
          From the inside, out You've always known me.
                  Who am I ?  Please, Father, show me,
                                                  show me who I'm meant to be.
                                        I surrender all, I surrender me.

About Me....

Some things you may or may not know about me:
I love photographing people, nature and architecture.
Edgar Allan Poe and Stephen King are two of my favorite writers and inspire me in my own literary endeavors.
Demi Moore as Lt. Jordan O'Neil (GI Jane) and Wynona Ryder as Susanna (Girl, Interrupted) are two characters I identify with on a deeply emotional and psychological level.
I have an unusual interest in the minds of serial killers.  I am intrigued by the idea that anyone can be one.  I wonder what happens in someone's psyche that causes them to feel no remorse and even find pleasure in things that make "normal" people cover their eyes and squirm in their seats.
If sorting M&M's by color and eating them in such a way that there is always the same number of each color awaiting their fate, or always seeking out a particular spoon or fork to eat with, suggests a bit of OCD, then that's me.
I enjoy spending my time with teenagers (while not pretending to still be 16) and some people think this can only mean that I have lost my mind...but truly, they help me find it.
I have a lot a friends but only a few really know me.
I am learning that it is amazingly refreshing to speak freely and openly with someone I trust and that it is just as amazing to have someone find me trustworthy enough to do the same.
I love to laugh - I mean, REALLY laugh!
I am a procrastinator (yes, I admit it).  I have discovered the reason that I rarely finish what I start is because I am afraid that it won't turn out right; that I will feel like a failure once again.
I dream of someday holding in my hand a book written by me and knowing that it will make an impact on those who read it (which hopefully will be millions of people).
I wish to grow old with my soul-mate, see my daughter grow into a wonderful woman who will consider me one of her best friends and to live by the water again.  (I so miss the sea!)
Above all, I want my life to count for something.  I don't want to be near the end, looking back, regretting all I never dared to do or try for fear of failing.

Quote for the Day

"Find out who you are and do it on purpose."
                                        -A Walk To Remember

Deep Pink

I have always been here.

I have always looked out from behind these eyes.

It feels like more than a lifetime.

Feels like more than a lifetime.

Sometimes I get tired of the waiting.

Sometimes I get tired of being in here.

Is this the way that it's always been?

Could it ever have been different?

Do you ever get tired of the waiting?

Do you ever get tired of being in there?

No need to worry.

Nobody lives forever.

Nobody lives forever.

                                        -Pink Floyd

Why "INK"?

Just in case any of my 4 readers are wondering why I named this blog "INK", here is the answer:
As a writer I am naturally and inseparably attached to my inkpen.  I love the feel of the ink gliding across the paper.  I can't help it!  Call me crazy but the clacking of plastic keyboard keys just isn't quite the same.  So "INK" just seemed like an appropriate, if not somewhat ironic, title.

Quote for the Day

"I am only one, but still, I am one.

I cannot do everything

but still, I can do something;

I will not refuse to do the something I can do."

                                   -Helen Keller

Vertigo

I've been infected

poison injected

into my soul

blackened as coal

my heart is pounding!

PANIC!  I'M DROWNING!

screaming inside

pulled under the tide

frustration and pain

drive me insane!

still you are watching

willing to rescue me

from this

Vertigo

Autumn

The sun has closed it's one huge eye
and yet I sit here in the glow
of my candle, burning low,
as leaves like tiny corpses blow
along the cold, hard earth.

Looking out into the night,
naked trees, their branches loom
like evil spirits breathing doom;
shapeless shadows in the gloom,
they reach out in the dark.

Nature's fingers tap! tap! tapping!
Tapping on my window pane!
I think it's driving me insane!
And what's left of the candle's flame
is guttering.
                         Patrina Olszewski

Quote for the Day

"We must love one another or die."

You Give Love a Bad Name

"Why don't you come right out and say it?  Even if the words are finally gonna hurt, I'd rather have the truth than something insincere."       - Relient K
In America, more and more people quit going to church every year.  The church has become a place not where they can go to be loved and accepted but where they are harshly judged and looked down upon.  The group that is supposed to represent the body of Christ, more often ends up acting a great deal like the Pharisees.  Legalism and piousness abound...compassion and humility are drowned.  Our churches should be a safe place where people are truly unconditionally loved and where souls can be bared and closets emptied of skeletons without fear of rejection or gossip.  If we aren't able to be real, why would anyone want to gather with us?  Insincerity and fakeness are everywhere.  In fact, the whole world is full of it.  If we aren't real, we can't heal.  Our hidden wounds will fester within us, causing us to rot from the inside; rendering us useless, broken vessels, unable to receive blessing or to bless others.  Conversely, the uncomfortable, sometimes even painful cleaning of those same wounds can allow healing to begin, bringing us back to the point where we are cups overflowing with living water, pouring out upon the lives of everyone we come into contact with.  So you can either pretend you're okay, wearing your mask of mediocre fineness, and suffer inside from painful, festering wounds for the rest of your life or endure a painful cleansing and purging process that will lead to the regeneration of healthy "soul-cells".  Lead the revolution and demand more from your church, from your brothers and sisters, from yourself.  Show the world that there is a place where people truly care about others, where humility and compassion can be found and where people aren't afraid to throw down their masks, ask for help and find healing.

Weighing In: on Cheerleading (my opinion)

Do we really have nothing more important to argue about than whether or not cheerleading is a sport?!  A sport is defined as an activity which is competitive and during which one exerts energy.  By that definition, we could argue that marching band or video-gaming on the Wii is a sport, or that golf is not.  But does it really matter?  Who argued this all the way to needing an official ruling?  And don't they have other ways they could spend their time and energy?
Cheerleading began as a kind of "pep squad" to keep energy high in an effort to motivate both fans and competitors.  It has progressed to becoming a competitive, energy-exerting activity.  But sport or no sport, surely there are more important issues to take a stand on!

Quote for the Day

"Wisdom is a shelter as money is a shelter, but the advantage of knowledge is this:  that wisdom preserves the life of the possessor."

Alto Frio - Youth Camp - 2010

Amazing doesn't even begin to describe the week we had at camp!  Walls were broken down, masks were thrown off to reveal the true people behind them, bonds were strengthened, new friendships were formed, wrongs were forgiven and lives were changed.  I am confident that this will be a transformation that sticks.  There will be struggles and we know we all have some things that will be difficult to overcome, but now we know that there are people who care about us, who can relate to what we are feeling and the issues we are dealing with.  We know that we are all in this together and together we are stronger.  Together we cannot fail.  The cross is the perfect reminder of the greatest commandment and the second that is like it:  the vertical - love God, and the horizontal - love people.  We are not only called out of darkness and called into the light, but we are called into a family.  As brothers and sisters we are to love each other unconditionally, trust each other and be trustworthy.  I want all of you who went to camp to know that YOU are the reason I do what I do.  I love you guys so much and will always be here for you.  My kids are the greatest in all the world...wanna be one?  You know you do!

Buried Alive by Chris & Conrad

We've all broken ground \\ Take one look around \\ We're in over our heads \\ But we keep digging down \\ We've all broken ground \\ Making sure that nobody sees \\ The dirt on our face \\ That just would not come clean \\ Hoping that this is the day \\ That everything changes \\ So we take one last breath \\ Let the walls cave right in \\ And we cover our heads \\ As the weight of this world \\ Comes crashing down again \\ And the last ray of light \\ Can no longer be found \\ And with no point of reference \\ To find our way out \\ We scream out loud \\ Does anyone know that we are buried alive? \\ We all know the sound \\ We've been hunted down \\ And we all sing along \\ From the moment we're found \\ We all know the sound \\ So we take one last breath \\ Let the walls cave right in \\ And we cover our heads \\ As the weight of the world \\ Comes crashing down again \\ And the last ray of light \\ Can no longer be found \\ And with no point of reference \\ To find our way out \\ We scream out loud \\ Does anyone know that we are buried alive?

Unsolicited Advice

Over the last few weeks I've had a lot to say but wasn't sure just how to word it.  Here's the abbreviated version:
(1)     Don't allow your emotions to rule you or your actions.  If someone hurts your feelings (especially over text or chat), don't assume that they meant to hurt you.  The bad thing about these "techy" ways of communicating is that our true tone and intent take a back seat to the reader's interpretation.  When there is reasonable doubt, give them the benefit of it.  Then talk to them (preferably on the phone or in person) about the situation if necessary.  It's silly to allow someone's words or actions to have so much control over you that they virtually decide what kind of day you will have.
(2)     Before you condemn someone else's actions or choices, take a good, hard, honest look at your own.
(3)     Smiles and frowns are both contagious.  Whether in the literal sense or in attitude, you get back what you send out.
and
(4)     Don't stick your nose in where it's not wanted - it may get swatted with a newspaper.

Nothing Else Matters

Trust I seek and I find in You
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And Nothing Else Matters
          -Metallica

And Even More

You claim to be a Christian
            then you turn around and curse His holy name.
If you bear the name of Christ
If you've been purchased by His blood
            then aspire to be worthy of the same!

They call you Reverend, Pastor, Father, Friend
            but you exploit them, take advantage of their trust.
If you bear the name of Christ
If you've been purchased by His blood
            you must flee from immorality and lust!

You say you've seen the light yet focus upon faults
            forgetting you've got plenty of your own.
If you bear the name of Christ
If you've been purchased by His blood
            then demonstrate the grace that He has shown!

You call yourselves His children
            yet disobey the One who gives you breath
If you bear the name of Christ
If you've been purchased by His blood
           you must be true and faithful even unto death!

You boast your eyes are opened, you're enlightened
            but look no further than you wish to see.
If you bear the name of Christ
If you've been purchased by His blood
            you should gaze upon the world from bended knee!

You say He is your Lord, He is your Master
            tho' by your actions you deny Him o'er and o'er.
If you bear the name of Christ
If you've been purchased by His blood
            He deserves to have your all and even more!

If you bear the name of Jesus
If by His wounds you're healed
            He deserves to have your all and even more.

Walk the Talk

Talk Is Cheap  -  Actions Speak

Look at what you spend your time and money on.  Then you'll know what is truly important to you...no matter what you say is important to you.

At Face Value

All our lives we are taught to take things at face value.  At school we are taught not to question, but to accept as truth, the information being given to us.  Whether it is that green is green, that the sky is blue or that every action has an equal and opposite reaction, from the time we enter the world we are saturated with information that we are expected to just accept as truth.  That's where "because I said so" has it's origin.
And if you are curious enough to seek the "why" to these things, to question the almighty "they", you are labeled a rebel or a troublemaker.  What's wrong with rocking the boat a little?  Why must we be politically correct?  If we never question or search out the why behind our beliefs, how then can we call them OURS?  And how would we discover anything new?
It is so much easier to just sit back and say, "Oh, that's how it is?  Okay." than to ask questions, seek answers and risk inconveniencing people in the process.  So will you continue to accept everything you hear as truth, as a robot accepts a program, or will you become involved, make an effort to search out answers, work to learn the why and stop taking things (and people) at face value.

Defense! Defense! Defense! Why?

Why is it that when someone holds us accountable for our actions (or inaction) we tend to immediately get defensive, even angry?  Is it because we are embarrassed at being caught?  Or because we think the person who brought it up thinks they're better than us?  Or simply because we are guilty, know we're guilty and are ashamed of ourselves for not living up to our potential?  Yes, sometimes the motive of the accuser is to elevate themselves or to bring you down a notch, but the next time someone who you know cares about you holds you accountable, try to get underneath the embarrassment and anger and be honest with yourself.  Say to yourself, "Ok.  That's something I need to improve on (or change)." and then do it.

Word Like Razor Blades

words cut like razor blades
tears flow like blood
draining me staining me
drown like a flood
squiggles zig-zags
crazy designs
fill my soul
invade my mind!

haunting hunting
tracking down
mindless answers
endless frowns
darkness sneaks in
suffocating and cold
grasping grappling
missing the hold!

falling deeper
deeper still
despair devouring
all my will
words cut like razor blades
scars underneath
run deep and don't heal
from sharp gnashing teeth.

Chew On This

"Being still and doing nothing are two completely different things."    - Jackie Chan as Mr. Han

I Hate It When That Happens!

All day today, I kept thinking it was Friday.  It just hit me again that I have to get up and go to work in the morning.  I hate it when that happens!

Quote for the Day

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."                -Martin Luther King

Chew On This

"Unhappiness is in not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it."
                                                                                    -Don Herold

Learning Lessons is Hard

Once again I feel like a total failure.  Why is trying to do the right thing so stinking hard?  Sometimes it seems like the whole world must be watching my life like it's a pathetic comedy.  Having what I think is a great idea once again come crashing down with the success of a faceplant.  Watching me get my hopes up and allow myself to become excited about something only to have it grossly underacheive the desired outcome.
No, I am not sitting here feeling sorry for myself, but for the group I am supposed to be helping.  I am frustrated and embarrassed that I have let them down once again.  I can't help but wonder if there is something I am supposed to be learning...am I taking on too much, filling my life with unnecessary stress?  Should I be standing up for (or against) something that I am not?  Should I be asking for help instead of trying to do it all myself?  I have learned how to do things differently next time to get a better result, but that doesn't comfort me RIGHT NOW.  It is a lesson learned for the future but does nothing to help the present situation.  Learning lessons is no fun at all....

Memories of Okinawa

The whole world laid out bare before us....waiting for us to touch and taste and smell and drink in all that it had to offer....walking through the streets without fear....reclaiming childhood as we plagued the playgrounds until the wee hours....silently watching the sun sink into the sea and then marveling at the beauty of the moonlight on the water....becoming one with the depths of the sea....looking up at the sun, the moon, from beneath the rippling surface of the ocean and thinking I'd never seen anything so beautiful....laying in bed with the window open, listening to the sound of racing engines in the distance and smelling carbon in the air, the tropical breeze gently kissing my skin....the thrill of winding narrow roads in a fast car....wandering into the nearest bakery and tasting something sweet and new and different every time, sharing them with someone sweet and new and different, someone special....the red & green of the traffic lights repeated in each leftover raindrop on the windshield, like a million tiny Christmas lights strung out just for me....breath-taking views of intriguing places....hiking in the lush green jungles where the ground fell away so suddenly sometimes, it would catch me by surprise and take my breath away....and cutting through all the green, the rocky riverbed with it's ice-cold water rushing over smooth stones and the contrast of the jagged boulders that jutted from it's banks....money that could be strung onto a chain or a keyring....clown fish eating sea urchin right out of my hand....suddenly finding myself in the midst of a school of tiny fish, the sun glinting off their silvery bodies, the whisper of thousands of tiny fins on my skin, and then gone....the controlled fear of coming face to face with my first sea snake....looking up from eighty feet underwater at a massive wall of coral teeming with life and feeling like everything is in slow motion - like time itself has slowed to all but a standstill....secluded little beaches....suicide cliffs and her ghostly legends....reckless abandon and new-found freedom - freedom for the mind, for the body, for the soul....strolling along the seawall being crazy americans and admiring the artwork left behind by the creative and the Creator....fast car by tracy chapman....soba, yakitori, and canned hot coffee from a vending machine....looking out at the endless ocean stretching beyond the horizon and seeing the big picture....finding my soulmate....and myself.

Black or White

Which dog are YOU feeding?

Youth Group Update

We finished our Book Drive Fundraiser yesterday and I think it was pretty successful.  We will see when the last few donations finish trickling in and I can haul them to the buyer.  Thank you to everyone who participated and donated!  Our next fundraiser is a 12-hour-long Rockathon!  We will be out in front of Texas Snow on Wesley Street in Greenville, Texas next Saturday, June 12th.  If you're in the area, please come by and see us and show your support!  Our Youth Group at Floyd Baptist Church is really excited about summer camp at Alto Frio!  It's coming up quickly!  It's going to be an crazy time of awesome fun and worship!  Can't wait!

Things I Know

Rejection              Rage              Falling Short
               Pain               Despair
      Emptiness             FEAR         Confusion
   What it's like to feel Invisible ...  Ignored  ....  Ugly
Hopelessness                        Self-Loathing
          Joy                Gratitude            Worth
  Strength                      Beauty                     Truth
Grace           Comfort                Security          Mercy
               Awe                  PEACE

The Why & The What

I decided to start writing a blog while watching the movie Julie & Julia.  It seemed like it gave Julie something to pull her out of her rut and give her more purpose.  And it sounded like fun.  I don't know if what I write will reach anyone at all, but I hope people will read this and that they will be interested, entertained and even encouraged to think at times.  I love to write but, up until now, have mostly done it for myself, rarely showing anyone my work.  In this blog, you will find quotes and lyrics, original poetry and prose, bits of wit & wisdom to chew on and, of course, the occasional random commentary on life and the challenges it brings.

Thought For The Day

"If you planted hope today in any hopeless heart, If someone's burden was lighter because you did your part, If you caused a laugh that chased a tear away, If tonight your name is mentioned when someone kneels to pray, Then your day was well spent."  Good Night All!

Initial Posting - Stardate 05302010

As most of you who are familiar with me already know, I am somewhat computer challenged.  That said, I have decided to start this blog and, in doing so, embark on an interesting if not exciting, journey.  I will try not to be too boring and welcome any comments and/or suggestions you may have to offer.  Live Long and Prosper.