Countdown to Christmas

I have always been one of those "bring it on!" types when it comes to Christmas. I usually start actively shopping for Christmas in June or July.  I love making the spiced cider in the evenings for my family.  I love the Christmas music playing in the background as I do my grocery shopping.  But this year has been different.  I'm not sure why that is but I just seem to be having a bit of a Blue Christmas spirit this year.  I wonder, "is it my age?  Am I just going through a mid-life crisis?".  Nothing in my life is how I imagined it would be by this age so that seems plausible.  A lot has happened in the past few years that have put us into a state of perpetual limbo and when I thought we had an opportunity to make a move that would set us on a different path, advancing us to the next stage in our lives, it did not happen.  So, am I just bringing myself down by wishing things were different than they are?  Or, is this what people feel when they talk about the stressful Christmas season? Money is tight (but it's been tight before at Christmas) and I haven't been able to do as much as I would like for my family and others.  So is this just the temporary holiday depression that so many people talk about but that I have never experienced until now?  It's so strange to me that I feel so numb.  It's not like me at all (at least not for many years).  Sometimes I think that, because I have experienced so much more intense emotion over the past few years, I have become desensitized a bit.  That I am so tired of feeling that I just go numb.  It's so exhausting to feel intensely over a long period of time and maybe I have just reached my limit. Whatever the reason, I don't feel like I respond to things as I am used to naturally responding and, for a writer, emotion is vital.  If I am numb, I am boring (as you have probably already discovered).  That's why I haven't written very much lately (here or otherwise).  It's a scary place to be and I can't imagine what it must be like to go through something like this when your writing is what puts bread on the table.  Fortunately (I guess for now), I have another job that does that...and I guess I should get moving so I can be to work on time.  Let's make it a good day.