A Little Bit of Nothing

I am just going to journal here a bit about what I've been writing lately. I have been writing or researching just about every day lately and it feels really good. I feel like I am finally on tract with a great story to tell (though I'm not entirely sure where it will go) and some characters that are starting to come alive.  At least, to me.  I am trying to figure out some of the publishing stuff (though I'm a long way from needing that yet) and wondering if seeking out an agent will be right for me. My story is in pieces right now but that just seems to be my way. They are beginning to link together on their own somewhat and that's always a good thing. I posted Carly & The Fifth Dimension a while back and I think the person in the turquoise cowboy boots will have an interesting role to play.  Carly herself, though, just couldn't hack it. She dreamed of a life of freedom and then when it was given to her, she couldn't handle the form in which it had come.  She just didn't have the strength to face the new, vastly different world outside her front door alone.  Carly was a casualty of a war she never knew had been waged.  The survivors of this war will band together...at first.  They will eventually wage war on each other, each feeling their way across this foreign landscape in an effort to accomplish their version of The Greater Good.

Hope that whets your appetite and leaves you curious for more....  Hello?  Is anyone out there?  ;)

Destiny

She sat staring up at the moon. The sky was clear, the air crisp and the boldest nighttime light hung low in the sky so huge and so close she thought she could maybe reach out and grab it like a big, cold beach ball.  "You can be anything you want to be," he had said.  Like it was the easiest thing in the world.  At forty, that statement was new to her.  It was exhilarating and depressing all at the same time.  If she could believe it, think of the possibilities!  Of all the worlds that would open up to her!  She wanted nothing more than to reinvent herself.  Her heart and soul ached for it!  But was there really still time?  She couldn't imagine starting a new venture now.  How she wished it would have been the message she received in her childhood.  Instead, she was told she couldn't compete with the boys, that she wasn't smart enough to really do anything important.  The message she had received was that she wasn't good enough, would never be good enough, that she just didn't measure up.  The boys on the playground and at the bustop told her that when they spit on her or tried to cram her into the trash bin at school.  Her parents told her that when they refused to allow her to play on her brother's soccer team.  The teachers told her that when they ignored her silent cries for help.  Now she was older, stronger and in control of her own future.  What would she want to be if she could be anything?  It was a daunting question.  Overwhelming, even.  But one that Destiny was willing to spend some time exploring and she planned to start immediately.

Countdown to Christmas

I have always been one of those "bring it on!" types when it comes to Christmas. I usually start actively shopping for Christmas in June or July.  I love making the spiced cider in the evenings for my family.  I love the Christmas music playing in the background as I do my grocery shopping.  But this year has been different.  I'm not sure why that is but I just seem to be having a bit of a Blue Christmas spirit this year.  I wonder, "is it my age?  Am I just going through a mid-life crisis?".  Nothing in my life is how I imagined it would be by this age so that seems plausible.  A lot has happened in the past few years that have put us into a state of perpetual limbo and when I thought we had an opportunity to make a move that would set us on a different path, advancing us to the next stage in our lives, it did not happen.  So, am I just bringing myself down by wishing things were different than they are?  Or, is this what people feel when they talk about the stressful Christmas season? Money is tight (but it's been tight before at Christmas) and I haven't been able to do as much as I would like for my family and others.  So is this just the temporary holiday depression that so many people talk about but that I have never experienced until now?  It's so strange to me that I feel so numb.  It's not like me at all (at least not for many years).  Sometimes I think that, because I have experienced so much more intense emotion over the past few years, I have become desensitized a bit.  That I am so tired of feeling that I just go numb.  It's so exhausting to feel intensely over a long period of time and maybe I have just reached my limit. Whatever the reason, I don't feel like I respond to things as I am used to naturally responding and, for a writer, emotion is vital.  If I am numb, I am boring (as you have probably already discovered).  That's why I haven't written very much lately (here or otherwise).  It's a scary place to be and I can't imagine what it must be like to go through something like this when your writing is what puts bread on the table.  Fortunately (I guess for now), I have another job that does that...and I guess I should get moving so I can be to work on time.  Let's make it a good day.