Quote For The Day

"I think the most important part of storytelling is tension. It's the constant tension of suspense that in a sense mirrors life, because nobody knows what's going to happen three hours from now."  -Richard Condon

Peculiar Penny

Penny walked with her gaze firmly fixed on the ground at her feet, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone whom she might happen to cross paths.  Bad things always seemed to follow whenever she interacted with strangers - sometimes even with people she knew - so she kept her head down and trudged on alone.  She was halfway to safety when she heard the whispers, like millions of bugs scuttering over each other in the dark.  She shuddered at the sound.  She just wanted to be home, safe and sound, secured beyond the reach of all the prying eyes and out of earshot of the cruel whispery-bug sounds.  As her thoughts propelled her and her pace quickened in time with her heartbeat, she realized that someone (or some thing) was keeping in step behind her.  More hushed bug sounds and then a hand-stifled giggle wafted to her on the salt-air breeze.  As her heart rate doubled, she was barely able to fight back the urge to break into a run.  It took every bit of her will to resist the instinct to take flight and leave the whispering, giggling, following bug-things far behind her.  Tears slipped silently down her face as all she wished for was the comfort of her own four walls...or the courage to face what was outside them.  Her insides shivered and thrummed.  Fight or flight - she wasn't sure which was worse.  Both made her feel like throwing up.
She never told her mother about these feelings.  She didn't tell her sister or even her best friend.  She was utterly alone in this world of torment and she wasn't sure how to be any different.  She rarely felt relaxed outside her "safe zone" and it took quite a bit of time for her to feel even remotely comfortable around new people.  She enjoyed being alone and keeping to herself felt natural.  She was calm and relaxed when she was alone, not having to wonder what this one was thinking or what those two were whispering about.  When she was forced outside of her reliable four walls into the unfamiliar and uncertain world beyond, everything was stressed and distorted, like she was seeing it all through a fish-eye lens.  Sweat beaded up on her brow just thinking about it and that's when she lost control.  Surrendering to the flight instinct, Penny's body took charge over her mind, her legs pumping mechanically like pistons without the capacity to reason.

Better Research Next Time

As an amateur author I am still learning.... I apologize for not doing better research before writing.  In my previous post I quoted Robin Williams as saying "I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up alone, it's not.  The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.".  I have since discovered that this was a line out of the movie World's Greatest Dad.  It still has a prophetic feel to me and I still wonder if this is how he felt, but I wanted to make sure to represent properly the quote I used.  So there you go.

The Mourning of a Legend

Finding out about the death of Robin Williams today put such a heaviness in my heart. It goes without saying that the man was a brilliant actor who was capable of eliciting any and all emotion, whether playing the part of desperate dad, unconventional "captain" or flamboyant homosexual. He was inspiring and grounded and hilariously funny. He was talented yet humble.

He was quoted as saying, "I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone."  

I can't help but wonder, with all the people surrounding him - fans swarming like bees, managers, directors, hair and makeup people and all - if he still felt alone. It is such an empty feeling, being in a roomful of people and feeling utterly alone. It is one of the first steps down the spiral staircase to despair. Was this just another movie line or was it coincidentally insightful he giving us a glimpse into the deepest need of a tortured soul?  

It makes me sad to think of the man that made so many laugh so much, unhappy enough to take his own life. I, myself, will choose to remember him as an inspiring, boundary-pushing teacher who taught me to ask the hard questions, to not follow blindly and to seize the day. "Oh, Captain! My Captain!" my mantra as I stand on my desk with my head held high in defiance. 

RIP Robin Williams 1951-2014

From Writer's Block To Writing As Therapy

Several times over the last couple of weeks I have sat down here to write. I knew I had something to say (even knew the title I would use) but when I sat down to write, no words came. It is so frustrating to know you have something potentially profound to say and then not be able to find any words. It seems impossible. How can I have so much to say and then not be able to spit it out? I don't know if what I say makes any difference at all but I know that it is cheap (free!) therapy for me. And if you know me, you know I love a good bargain. ;)  If I were to give one piece of advice to someone stressed or struggling, it would be to journal. It doesn't have to be in a proper bound journal. It doesn't even have to be on paper anymore. For me, without the outlet of my pen, words and thoughts become the enemy. They churn and fester, worming their way into my soul, rotting me from the inside out. When I am distressed or angry, I may write four or five sentences or forty-five pages, but when it's all laid out on paper, I can organize my thoughts and feelings and find at least the tiniest bit of rationality or reason. Once I have poured it all out onto the page, it no longer overwhelms me. It no longer threatens to control me or cause me to act irrationally. I have written scores of letters that will never be read to people who have no idea I ever wrote them. This is because, when I write, it isn't for anyone else. It is for me. Try it and see if it doesn't bring a feeling of release and relief and rest.